Speak up

Post natal depression…or a reality check?

I’ve had depression since 12, 9 years. It’s been hard but the hardest thing I’ve done is battle post natal depression. You don’t know whether it’s your hormones, whether it’s your real feelings or perhaps you’re just overwhelmed and it will all pass…For me, it was all of the above, but it hasn’t passed. That’s what I wanted to share, that’s what message I want to get out there- these feelings whilst natural need to be addressed and helped. From day one, I loved my baby there was and is no doubt about it. The most heart wrenching question is “If you have PND does that mean you want to harm your baby?” whilst this is a common symptom of PND it is one that I fortunately do not possess. I do however have huge anxiety that something bad will happen to him, I’ll trip over a wire whilst carrying him or drop a glass whilst drinking- I can never be too careful. I don’t feel like I can get out of bed most mornings and leaving the house is impossible. My negative thoughts are not aimed at my baby, they are aimed at me. My scarred body. My hormone imbalances causing hair growth and spots. My overhang mummy tummy. I can’t cope and I’m not ashamed to admit that, what I am ashamed of is how long it has taken for me to get help. I still haven’t had my 6 week check(my little one is 15 weeks) because of the fear of the dr telling me I am an unfit mother. I should have gotten the help sooner so my baby didn’t go day after day watching me cry, watching me stress and me suffering in silence. My relationship started to breakdown in which made me worse, but the only reason was because I didn’t let anyone know, not even my partner. So please, you deserve to be happy. Tell somebody, it could make the world of difference to not only you, but your family.

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